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Fidjit’s story

Managing editor Keely Reichardt approached tattoo artist, Fidjit over Instagram in July 2015 after recognizing an ambiguous commentary posted overdue at evening.  Fidjit selected to take away the submit now not lengthy after it had long gone reside, however Keely determined to succeed in out to her, to determine concerning the life-changing tournament she had hinted at…

The deleted submit described the language used towards her in a contemporary courtroom case… Fidjit is a rape survivor and continued a horrific courtroom ordeal the place the defendant used to be discovered now not accountable. With simplest five.7% of rape circumstances finishing in a conviction for the wrongdoer, Fidjit sought after us to percentage her tale to make folks acutely aware of courtroom lawsuits and your rights as a sufferer. 


“I began going out with my ex boyfriend when I used to be fifteen years outdated. We in brief broke up when I used to be twenty however then we were given again in combination. Simply earlier than I became twenty-one, he raped me.

“He had by no means been violent by any means earlier than, he confirmed no caution indicators. It came about in April 2011. I wish to stay the intimate main points of what came about to myself, it’s too private to percentage with everybody. There used to be a controversy which ended in him raping me. In an instant after it came about he broke down, burst into tears and many times apologised, it gave the look of he went into some kind of surprise – as I did too. I didn’t cry or transfer or talk, I consider feeling very numb, I couldn’t procedure what had simply came about, I simply sat and listened to him crying.

“For a very long time afterwards I used to be indisputably in denial. We spoke in combination about what had came about, he by no means denied what he had performed and at all times took complete accountability. I used to be in denial and so perplexed about what had came about that I phoned the Samaritans a couple of days after. I defined what had came about they usually advised me I have been raped and that I must touch my native Rape Disaster centre. My ex boyfriend drove me there himself and he threw up within the automotive park; the truth that he had taken me there were given introduced up in courtroom later, however used to be totally neglected as he stated he used to be simply seeking to be a just right boyfriend. I additionally noticed a nurse. My ex spoke to a few his pals about what had came about. Considered one of his pals advised him what he had performed used to be mistaken and he stopped chatting with him. The opposite buddy advised him I used to be his female friend and that it doesn’t depend in the event you’re in a dating?! Those two pals ended up as witnesses in courtroom. I had additionally spoken to at least one buddy over the telephone, he knew one thing used to be mistaken and ended up guessing what had came about, I advised the police about him being the primary individual that I had advised. They stated he could be my witness. They by no means even contacted him and he used to be now not concerned within the trial.

“Months handed and I nonetheless hadn’t advised any individual else, and I persevered to inform myself that it hadn’t came about however my behaviour started to switch. I become extremely withdrawn and I ended going to my flat (which I shared with my ex) and would cross to my folks each and every evening and keep there for so long as I may till I had to return to my flat to sleep. My folks and I are extraordinarily shut and we inform each and every different the whole thing. They may see that one thing used to be bothering me. Now and again I’d telephone them with the purpose of telling them what had came about however I might hold up. I knew that the second one I advised them the whole thing would trade perpetually. My perfect buddy could be my perfect buddy now not, he could be my rapist. And I knew that I must let his mom know what her son had performed, and that’s one thing I may by no means take into consideration doing. I knew it might trade her lifestyles in addition to mine and his perpetually. I think like as a result of our historical past I used to be protective him a long way an excessive amount of at this level.

“I carried on dwelling on the flat till September 2011, 5 months after what had came about. My ex used to be nonetheless dwelling there too, we weren’t in combination however we have been simply more or less going during the motions. We have been nonetheless snoozing in the similar mattress and he used to be nonetheless apologising each day. The buddy I had advised at the telephone in the end satisfied me to inform my folks. I used to be spending the evening at my folks’ space and one thing got here at the TV that simply made me blow up. I become extremely dissatisfied and used to be screaming about it. My dad stated that this behaviour used to be now not standard and I had to inform them at the moment what used to be happening.  I consider pronouncing I didn’t need to and he guessed instantly what had came about. It’s the worst factor I’ve ever needed to inform them. That is most definitely some of the toughest issues I needed to maintain after my rape; I’m the one that has to inform everybody, together with my circle of relatives, about this terrible factor that had came about.

“I advised my folks I didn’t need to cross to the police, I refused to, and I didn’t need his mom to understand. I determined to transport to London as I used to be dwelling in Scotland on the time. I hand over my apprenticeship and bought all of my furnishings and I took an in a single day bus down. My ex and I nonetheless saved in contact and nonetheless spoke about what had came about at all times. It used to be terrible, it used to be like torture, it simply by no means is going away. It nonetheless doesn’t cross away.

“A few 12 months later I moved again as much as Scotland and that is after I learn one thing that in point of fact woke me up. I learn a piece of writing about rape sufferers, written by means of rape sufferers. It used to be principally concerning the significance of reporting this stuff to the police as with out extra folks coming ahead it’s onerous to switch issues –and issues indisputably want to trade. The primary factor that made me need to record it on the time used to be studying about the potential of him doing this to anyone else. I had now not considered that risk earlier than. I went to the police station at 11pm and I knew I needed to do it instantly or I might trade my thoughts. As atypical because it sounds, I spoke to my ex earlier than I went to the police to inform him that I needed to do something positive about it and I advised him concerning the unfavorable impact it used to be nonetheless having on my psychological well being. He advised me he had to, “guy up” and take accountability, and that if I had to cross to the police then that’s fantastic. It used to be an excessively other tale after I if truth be told went to the police and did record it.

“I had my commentary taken on the police station. They take a commentary from you more than one occasions and you’ve got to return repeatedly to verify/evaluation your commentary. Mine used to be now not recorded, it used to be written down by means of somebody and each and every time I reviewed it there have been errors in it which I needed to right kind. They have been additionally very particular about what I used to be allowed to incorporate in my commentary and what I wasn’t allowed to incorporate. As an example, he had advised me why he had performed it, he had advised me he didn’t really feel like I used to be “his” anymore. I used to be advised it used to be beside the point. It used to be many weeks once I had given my commentary that I in the end gained a decision telling me that he have been arrested and set free on bail. He refused to present a commentary and simply repeated “no remark” to any questions he used to be requested. I think it’s vital so as to add right here that he’s a center elegance, rich, white guy along with his personal dear legal professional; he’s principally untouchable.

“The witnesses have been then each puzzled . They each gave statements and either one of their statements stated that he (my ex) had long gone to them and advised them he had “long gone too a long way”. Either one of their tales matched each and every different’s and extra importantly either one of their tales matched mine. I feel it is a large think about why this made it to courtroom. It’s extremely tricky for one thing to visit courtroom as a result of if they suspect that there’s now not sufficient proof they’ll now not take it any longer. This doesn’t imply in anyway that any one is blameless, it simply signifies that they don’t have sufficient proof for a conviction. They by no means made any try to touch my witness.

“I in the end gained a decision pronouncing that that they had sufficient proof and it used to be going to be taken to Top Courtroom. There have been a number of months of ready and he (my ex) had one listening to through which he plead now not accountable. I think I used to be in point of fact naive at the moment and I surely idea that he used to be going to take accountability for what he had performed like he stated he would.

“We were given a courtroom date for June 2014. Within the time I used to be ready I needed to evaluation my commentary plenty of occasions once more with the Procurator Fiscal. I additionally had a gathering with somebody to invite how I wish to seem in courtroom. There are alternatives that may be given to the witness; you’ll be able to sit down at the back of a curtain to present proof, you’ll be able to do it by way of video hyperlink, or you’ll be able to be within the stand as standard however you’ll be able to have a reinforce particular person sitting with you while you’re there. I went for the 3rd possibility as I in point of fact sought after to stand him. I believed that if he noticed me talking he wouldn’t be capable of lie. I additionally had a gathering main as much as this time about the type of issues they have been going to check out and use towards me in courtroom. I used to be advised that they have been going to check out and say that what had came about used to be a part of some bizarre sexual recreation.

“The courtroom date in the end got here. I used to be scared of taking the stand. While you arrive in courtroom as a witness they take you to a small personal circle of relatives room. You and whoever has include you sit down in there till you’re known as. On this example the courtroom used to be closed whilst I gave my proof after which open for the remainder of the trial, so my folks weren’t allowed to go into whilst I did my section. I do know that this turns out foolish now however nobody had advised me that my ex could be within the room as I gave my proof; the way in which that they had described a closed courtroom to me could be that it might simply be me, the jury, the pass judgement on, procurator fiscal and his legal professional within the room. I wasn’t even mindful that he (my ex) used to be within the room till I used to be requested to indicate him out. It threw me off and made me panic. All the revel in of being within the stand is hideous. I advised the courtroom what had came about after which I used to be puzzled by means of the defence legal professional. I used to be shouted at and known as a liar and a foolish little lady. He stated that I must have compelled him off of me, and that if this had in point of fact came about I might have ran to the police station instantly. He smirked at me each and every time I spoke and he known as me manipulative. When he requested why I hadn’t fought him off I spoke back, “I used to be terrified”. He laughed at me and stated, “fearful of your individual boyfriend?” I stood there crying while seeking to protect myself however each and every time I attempted to respond to again the Pass judgement on would inform me to forestall speaking.

“The case ran for 3 days in overall. The primary day used to be my proof and one in all his witnesses. The witness on day one stated that my ex had advised him that he had long gone too a long way and that sure, rape is what they have been speaking about. The witness solidified my tale and either one of our tales matched. To this point it used to be taking a look rather promising that we might get a just right consequence.

“Day two the second one witness spoke. In his authentic commentary to the police he had the similar tale as me and the primary witness, then again when he used to be at the stand he stated that he have been compelled to present that commentary and that he is taking all of it again. He stated that the Executive have been making an attempt to make use of my ex for instance after which he began crying and pronouncing he sought after to head house to his mum! I believed that this used to be nice as a result of no doubt he wouldn’t be taken severely. After that, the police officer who took his commentary took the stand to verify that sure, the ones have been the witness’s personal phrases, he used to be now not compelled to mention anything else, and that he got here of his personal unfastened will. Once more I believed that this used to be a just right factor as a result of no doubt the Jury in a courtroom would concentrate to the police officer who took the commentary over the witness who used to be obviously mendacity. I used to be mistaken.


“At the 3rd day my ex took the stand. That is the place I think issues are extra disappointing than I will be able to perhaps put into phrases, and I do know that that is a surprisingly not unusual factor that occurs in rape circumstances. My ex used to be requested, “how are you lately? Inform me about your circle of relatives. You went to a just right faculty didn’t you? You’re operating onerous against getting a point aren’t you?” He used to be advised that he used to be a just right member of society, a gentleman, or even advised that he used to be dressed really well for the trial. I used to be seemed down upon after I gave my activity identify, I wasn’t requested what faculty I went to, I wasn’t requested about my circle of relatives and I wasn’t advised that I used to be a just right member of society. Not anything derogatory used to be even stated to him when the procurator fiscal used to be wondering him. When he took the stand he smiled with courtesy, didn’t get dissatisfied, spoke of me as though I used to be somebody to pity, saved regarding me as his “female friend” after which going, “oops, sorry I imply ex female friend.” He have been extremely neatly prepped by means of his defence legal professional. His perspective and talent to lie in this type of chilly manner dissatisfied me greater than anything else.

“As soon as everybody has taken the stand the procurator fiscal and defence legal professional each make speeches to the Jury to check out and lend a hand them decide. The Pass judgement on additionally provides a speech to the Jury. I think adore it’s vital to say that the Pass judgement on for my case used to be an older guy. From the minute I entered the courtroom I felt unfairly seemed upon by means of him. In his speech to the Jury he stated that me and my ex have been in a, “devoted and loving dating that had lasted for years, so may this in point of fact be true?” He additionally stated that the Jury weren’t allowed to bear in mind the second one witnesses commentary as he’s pronouncing he didn’t say the ones issues, so it needs to be written off totally. The Jury have been advised that there have been two folks within the room when this incident came about. In the event that they can’t be 100% certain that this came about then they are able to now not to find the defendant accountable.

The Jury’s verdict used to be now not accountable.

“The second one that this verdict is located I used to be totally alone so far as skilled reinforce is going. I had a reinforce one who sat with me all the way through the entire process and he or she actually vanished once the decision used to be given. I didn’t see her once more.You’re left to simply cross house and get on with issues.

“If I used to be to check out and provides any recommendation to rape sufferers, I might say to delight attempt to care for your self once you’ll be able to. Confide in folks closest to you, this will also be onerous however it’s more difficult to stick quiet. Rape is one thing that remains with you for the remainder of your lifestyles however it no doubt doesn’t must outline you. Sadly you’ll be able to fall into patterns of self hurt; I were given concerned with a hideous particular person after this who used to be closely abusive. I didn’t realise that this used to be a type of self hurt as a result of I used to be so depressing about what had came about. It’s by no means your fault and it doesn’t make you “broken items”. There may be nonetheless such a lot stigma round popping out as a sufferer of rape however I don’t perceive why. You haven’t performed anything else mistaken and it must be no mirrored image on you or your persona. The extra folks talk out then with a bit of luck the extra adjustments will also be made in the way in which rape circumstances are handled by means of the prison justice machine.”

For any individual who has skilled sexual violence, Rape Disaster is an organisation with centres in Scotland, England and Wales. They provide reinforce and  details about the place your nearest centre is also if you wish to have pressing care: rapecrisis.org.united kingdom/centres.php You’ll be able to additionally name the nationwide helpline quantity: 0808 802 9999  / Scotland: www.rapecrisisscotland.org.united kingdom and a Scottish helpline: 08088 01 03 02

 The Girls & Women Community are an organisation based totally in London who be offering counselling services and products, advocacy reinforce and phone counselling. All knowledge will also be discovered on their website online: www.wgn.org.united kingdom they usually actually have a telephone quantity which offers with sensible reinforce: 0808 801 0660. In case you are wanting emotional reinforce and an nameless house to speak name: 0808 801 0770.

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